Effort and the Triumph of Being

For the last six weeks, I’ve been teaching a dance class to 8 teenage girls in Oakland.  What began as a simple hip-hop class has evolved into a weekly exploration of self for these girls.  Not quite meaning to, but in response to the desires I felt in them, I shaped a sort of discovery of self  thru dance – class.  Before we get to the hip hop we spend time breathing and exploring movement and our emotions of the present moment.  It has been challenging for them at times but they have really risen to the occasion and it is breath-taking to witness.  Anyhow, last week, we did a dance of resistance and allowing – which can be some pretty difficult work.  I chose it specifically for them because week after week I would feel their resistance clearly as though they had cartoon bubbles speaking to me over their heads.  Even though they kept showing up to class, they had so much resistance to dance “are you kidding me?!!!”, resistance to try  ”omg that is so not cool!,” resistance to me, “who is this lady expecting so much out of us?”  Teenagers feel resistance to their very core as they are challenged to become the whole sum of who they are.  They are fraught with fears of it but full of passionate desire for it.  “This is your ‘Hell NO! Dance’” I encouraged them, “You hate this exercise? Then dance that!” I was relentless. The process was rocky and took a long time, but eventually the movement came and then I slowly transitioned into the Allowing Dance, the “Hell Yes! Dance.” The energy in the room lifted like a hopeful bubble, “Ah, now that I’m dancing a little this isn’t so bad. I can do this. . . hmmm that’s kind of interesting. . . never done that before” 

Afterwards, as I tried to transition into a fast paced hip hop warm up, I paused to look back at them and saw dazed delicate faces still immersed in the images they had just summoned from the depths of their beings, sweat glistening on their confused foreheads.  Realizing they weren’t quite ready to move on, I stopped what I was doing and had them write some of their thoughts down and then allowed them to seal them into envelopes for their own comfort.  Never have I seen them take up their pens and paper with such voracity and purpose.  Dancing your resistance and allowing is powerful work.  

 And so I’ve been doing my own dances of resistance and allowance the past week or so.  After watching this bit of movment, I realized that this also is one of them.

Unleashing the Inner . . . Kitten

Mmmmm you know that wonderfulness that happens when you run into someone you’re attracted to and they just light you up inside? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, all 7 chakras going bing! bing! bing! bing! bing! bing! BING!! It is the most delicious feeling.  Then I got in my car and this song came on and I was like, “oh yeah, this is exactly where I’m at right now. 

We take life so seriously!  Sometimes a woman has got to have some fun!

Pina, the movie

Admittedly this post will likely end up being filed under Reviews since I need to file it somewhere, but I should state that I don’t feel as though I can really give it a formal educated review for two reasons: 1. I had very little exposure to Pina Bausch prior to seeing this movie and 2. I read a bunch of reviews after seeing it so I don’t feel like I can be impartial.

Anyone who hasn’t gone to see this movie while it is in theatres is missing out. I loved this movie so much I’ve been to see it twice and could probably be convinced to see it again.  I think it is worth mentioning that the first time I went with my nine year old son who sat through the entire 1hr and 45min without complaining or falling asleep.  (I used to call Aleister my little “sucko-meter” because I’d take him to performances and if he didn’t like it or got bored then it definitely sucked, but if he was riveted to watch then it was good – kids are honest. They don’t intellectualize why they should like something.)  So tested by the best and already winning awards from others, it goes without saying that Pina is a great movie.

For those of you not in the know, Pina is a feature-length dance film in 3D with the ensemble of the Tanztheater Wuppertal Pina Bausch, featuring the unique and inspiring art of the great German choreographer who died in 2009.  Pina Bausch was a very influential modern dance choreographer and created very emotionally dramatic works that can be fall easily in the realm of dance theatre.  Let me just say that 3D movies often make me motion-sick so my first thought while putting on the glasses was a snobbish one “Why do they assume that in order for dance to be amazing on film we need to see it in 3D? Dance can stand on its own, damnit! Besides, 3D is so gauche,” but oh how I was wrong.  The effect was anything but tacky and I found out later that the maker of the film, Wim Winders, chose 3D specifically to highlight Pina’s works as Winders felt there was no other medium in which you could get a sense of the real performance.  I have to agree.  The film weaves the audience through some of Pina Bausch’s major works, with interviews, solos, and duets, from the dancers sprinkled throughout.  The vignette device makes the film very accessible although I would have liked to see Café Müller without interuption - the effect from the sustained drama of the piece is lost I think.  What makes this film especially gorgeous is the dances are filmed in many different locations throughout Wuppertal, from industrial buildings to cliff sides. One solo is set next to an indoor pool where it appears swim practice is going on as usual (Hey, they always say “don’t run” near the pool, but I’ve never heard, “don’t dance,” heh.)  The effect of the various locations is stunning and inspiring.  You can imagine, being someone who loves to dance, well, everywhere possible, that I was just beside myself with pleasure. 

The last great thing I want to mention about this movie is that the cast of dancers, which are Pina Bausch’s own ensemble, vary in age from approximately twenty to sixty.  It was so strikingly refreshing to see older dancers that it made me want to go live in Europe where you see more of this kind of thing. And I’m not praising them here because I’m trying to advocate against agism.  Nothing so heroically political as that.  I liked it simply because the older weathered dancers were so delicious to watch.  Their movements are distilled – their emotions so palapable, their stories deep. I love seeing older dancers, not only because I’m headed there (aren’t we all?), but because every year, they really do just get better.

Mental Space

A lot of dancers I know create dance beginning with an experience of the body and then allowing it to formulate into an idea.  This sort of creating “from the experience of the body” is definitely something I take part in, but I have to confess that a lot of my ideas come to me first mentally.  I attribute this to the fact that I have more mental space in a day than I do physical space to move around.  I work in a law office four days a week.  My day begins at 6am making lunches and getting my son and I out the door so I can be in the office around 8am.  When I’m not working, I’m driving my son to his after-school activities, making healthy dinners, and helping him with his homework.  (I just want to note that most parents I know, single or not, share this experience.  The big difference, as far as I can tell, about being a single-parent is that I have the luxury to leave the dirty dishes on the counter all week-long if I must and no one complains about it. Heh). So, but what I lack in studio time, I make up for in mental space.  My job keeps me busy, but I have been doing it for so long that I have a lot of mental bandwith for daydreaming.  Therefore, I come up with some of my best ideas while I’m reconciling bank accounts – that or sleeping.  Sarah Romanowsky, an L.A. based aerial dancer/choreographer, once mentioned to me that she choreographs mostly in the car while driving. This from a woman who takes her talent to the air. I know a lot of people who used to write poetry during math class. There is something about being occupied, but the mind having the space for creativity.  Anyhow, this dance woke me up at 2am last night. Just plopped down as a whole chunk of movement sequence that I, all of a sudden, really really wanted to see. Not as pleased about how it came out as reality, but have ideas to make it better. Also, did I mention it is really really hard to dance on pavement in 50 degree weather at 7:30 in the morning? Right. I didn’t because excuses are BS. mmhmmm.

Holding Space

Holding Space seems to be a theme in my life right now.  Sitting with the open spaces of my life as opposed to trying to fill them up with needless activities, people, movement, etc. I know a lot of people who are holding space, otherwise known as waiting (although waiting has a impatient sort of component to it don’t you think?).  It seems like it can be a tough thing to do sometimes – hold space.  It is easier to just accept whatever crosses your path in just so you don’t get bored or fidgety. Whether you are waiting for a moment to attack a movement as you dance, or waiting for the perfect relationship or job to manifest, holding space is something that takes practice.  I’ll have to say that my flamenco mentor, Yaelisa, really taught me a lot about holding space.  In flamenco you have to hold space a lot before your “attack” or while waiting for the singer to begin the next letra.  It is a good practice for life, I think.  How to be, to enjoy where you are while maintaining a positive outlook and anticipation of what is coming. I really wanted to explore this physically through dance, so that is what I did here.  This is the most “non-movement” movement exploration I’ve done. . . er, because I’m. . y’know holding space. Not filling it with a lot of movement. This video is for all the people trying to stay positive and allowing the light to seep in – this is for all the space holders out there.

Powder-Bib Dance

I went to Tahoe last weekend for vacation! Nanny nanny la la la! (Am I rubbing it in? hell yes! After years of listening to other people speak of their great ski trips to Tahoe, I finally had a fun-filled one of my own so rubbing it in is well deserved!) Of course I had to seize the incredible opportunity to dance in the midst of all that beauty and snow.  Needless to say I was limited by the “snow puffy” effect of my powder bib. After about twenty minutes of hilarious video in which I slid around limbs flying I finally opted to stay seated and this little hand dance happened.

It is interesting to me how the many layers of creation unfold when working with film.  At the time of moving I was just playing with my hands, following my creative impulse and what my body sort of wanted to do.  Later I came across this piece of music from Swelling Meg (I danced with them in the Edinburgh Arts Festival over a decade ago – aren’t they cool?) which gives the piece some nice edge, I think.  Add in the title and this dance begins to actually say something – whether or not I was consciously or unconsciously thinking about it already, I’m not sure.

Jammies

There are many great things in the works for me lately that have sort of taken up the space in which I usually film and edit videos.  Editing videos takes a lot of time, you know? Anyhow, I wasn’t going to post this video since it is a work which is actually a duet that I have plans to film in a couple of weeks, but since I have nothing else I’d like to post at the moment , I decided to go ahead and give you a little preview.  Here is some movement I’ve been working on.  This was filmed during a lovely morning in the studio when I was feeling just so warm and joyful and wanting to experiment a little bit.

Performing from a Different Place

I am really enjoying trying out different ways of being when I perform.  Instead of trying to push myself out to the audience, last night I was experimenting with just “being” with them.  I was partially successful (in how I felt about it).  On the one hand it feels more genuine, on the other hand, sometimes you have to push a little in order to raise the energy which I didn’t do as effectively at the show last night.  But I do like the part when I drop my fan and shrug at the audience.  Acknowledging it made everybody laugh and put them at ease. It was what I like to call a happy accident:)

Doing Sevillanas with the magnificent, Clara:

Generating Ideas

My friend Illy has got this talent show “gig” coming up.  She asked me if I wouldn’t mind helping her generate ideas.  At 8:30 on Saturday morning she came over to my house so we could get some work done.  She is 8.  Luckily her mom brought coffee.  Naturally, what followed was a very serious dance session.

My Flamenco Love Affair

You can complain all you want that I haven’t posted enough videos recently.  I agree. It sucks. There is a reason. (Notice I said “reason” and not “excuse” because I still think that excuses are bullshit as previously stated near the beginning of this blog) Let me explain:

Next week, Wednesday, January 25th to be exact, I am performing flamenco at Disco Volante in downtown Oakland. For the past several weeks I have been working on what I would like to perform.  Now, this may get you wondering.  Every day? you wonder. . every day you have been working on just flamenco? for this one performance? Well, in a word, yes. 

Working is the perfect word. Before working on this gig, a lot of what I’ve been doing every day has been play, fun, imagine, following my trail of interest.  This flamenco gig has been work.

It is really my own fault. Flamenco is supposed to be fun. I was at a Misión Flamenca show  in San Francisco last Saturday night and fun was exactly what I saw and was reminded of.  Dancers performing their hearts out and community supporting them and people enjoying themselves. Yes, this is what flamenco is supposed to be, I think. But for some reason knowing I would be doing a flamenco gig again with live musicians and the whole bit which I haven’t done for quite some time got me really anxious.   You see I have had a long love affair with flamenco and it hasn’t always been pretty.  Like many love affairs, there was the initial dreamy eyed falling in love part, followed by the harsh realization that there was work involved.  After putting in years of work, I have often almost given up on it. Several times.   Sometimes I think that dancing it makes me angry. Or more aggressive than I want to be.  It churns up emotions which can be uncomfortable. I can feel frustrated like I’m never good enough. Sometimes, it feels like an inter-racial relationship.  Like there is something about me that doesn’t fit in the culture.  Flamenco doesn’t want to take a white girl home to mama.  I have let other people get too involved in my love affair and put too much importance on what people think of my relationship instead of listening to myself.  There are times I’ve felt like my love was unrequited. Un-returned.  I’ve turned my back on flamenco, pretending not to care. But secretely I do care. And I love dancing it. And lately with this blog, I’ve watched all those videos of me doing contemporary this, “modern” that, salsa this, and saw . . . underneath everything. . . a flamenco dancer. 

Luckily going to watch Misión Flamenca saved me from my anxiety about next Wednesday. It was a blast and reminde me to have fun with it again.  Thank god! I am having a lovely warm swim in the music of Guajiras.  I am relishing the coyness of the fan movements, rejoicing in my curviness, and feeling the excitement of crisply executed footwork. I am falling in love again.

For those of you interested in seeing me perform live, without the luxury of editing, I will be dancing next Wednesday night, January 25, 2012 at Disco Volante (347 14th St., Oakland, CA) 8:30 p.m., $7 cover, 2 sets. I am very excited to be working with such supportive and stellar artists: featuring singer Azriel “El Moreno,” David McLean on guitar, and Clara Rodriguez, dancer. Delicious food and drinks served late, all ages. Support flamenco in the East Bay — hope to see you there!